Okay, gripe time. Won’t be long, I promise. First thing, they need to get rid of Flo from whatever insurance company that is. Getting Flo is as bad a move (almost) as Classic Coke or when Long John Silver’s got rid of the pirate. She’s obnoxious on the commercials and when she sings (caterwauls) on some of the online radio stations, I want to do a Van Gogh on both of my ears. Sorry, and I’m sure the woman who plays the part is a really super person, but Flo needs to go.
Then, there’s the new redhead who I suppose is intended to be Wendy on the Wendy’s commercials. Sorry, but she’s really obnoxious, and if Wendy’s didn’t have good burgers I wouldn’t go back there. What’s wrong with having the real Wendy on there?
Oh, and any commercial that has the phrase “Let’s do this!” is just out. Uh uh. No way. Gotta go. I know what I want to do when I hear it. Change channels. Let’s do that.
Okay, I’m good for a while.
And now for something completely different:
Hansel (Jeremy Renner) and Gretel (Famke Janssen) sure do hate witches. Well, it kinds goes without saying, when you consider that one tried to eat them when they were kids, and made Hansel diabetic from eating all the candy. You know. Little things.
But now, they’re all grown up, dressed all in leather/rock star black, and packin’ a variety of witch-bustin’ equipment. My memories of the duo is limited to perhaps a collection of fairy tales I had as a kid, and to the Bugs Bunny version with Witch Hazel. I’d have read more fairy tales way back when if they had action more like this version, called Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013).
We get a brief back-story, showing the brother and sister taken off to the woods by their father in a panic. He says he’ll be back to get them, but no. Instead, they make their way to the famous candy-cottage where, guess what? Yup, taken prisoner by a mean old witch, and we’re talkin’ some major ugly here. Eventually, or else we wouldn’t have a movie, the two plucky youngsters get the better of Endora (although Endora was a whole lot better looking) and toss her in the oven. So begins their new career as witch hunters. And they’re not kidding around, either. Dressed in Matrix-style gear, they’re seriously packin’ with steam punkish weaponry. They need it ’cause the witches they’re going up against are tough cookies (yeah, sorry, pun intended).
This is just one of any number of modern-day retellings of fairy tales. The characters in these old tales may have been victims once, but they’re all grown up now. Ever After: A Cinderella Story (1998), Red Riding Hood (2011), and Snow White and the Huntsman (2012) bring to the Big Screen more action and darkness than we ever read about when we were kids. I think the brothers Grimm would’ve liked the new take on some of their work.
Make sure you take the opportunity to catch this witch hunting brother and sister team. Just don’t eat too much candy.
’til next time… Adios.